Saturday, February 9, 2013

Focus



I have been feeling so reticent about talking about, or even honestly THINKING about this new season of weight loss. I have so many thoughts, and regardless of who reads this, I want to maintain the rawness, and the reality of what this journey is about. It isn't pretty, it most CERTAINLY isn't perfect, but it's mine, and a huge part of accepting this condition of obesity is acknowledging and owning that it isn't linear, it isn't a destination or certain number on the scale, but the journey to health and wellness that is completely multi-faceted.

So here it is, continuing on, through my shame of not being able to have gained 10lbs during pregnancy and be back to my prepregnancy weight a month after birth. You laugh, but I had this locked down. I knew what I was doing, and I just thought that would be the way it was. I was ridiculously deceived :)

Enough about what wasn't, here is me, embracing what is, and doing what I need to do to be where I want to go.

This past week was so huge for me. I can't say enough how HARD it has been for me to make good choices and maintain a constant meal plan when traveling. I just have not been able to do it the past 9 months, it's been completely overwhelming-traveling with kids, a new baby, and then focusing on ME. I lost MY FOCUS ON ME, and that is what I needed, and what I've found. So 5 days in Florida, and I did not go off plan. Missing a flight, having our flight rescheduled, and then delayed-and I still stayed on plan. I ate at the airport (Burger King, of all disgusting places) but I did it in such a way that I stayed 100% on plan, even if the quality of the food wasn't my ideal. I used to, the past few months, say screw it all and make excuses and honestly feel helpless-I knew how to manage my lifestyle at HOME, when I was a SAHM and I didn't travel around the world and work and have jobs and all that. And now I am learning, and I did so well that I lost 2.2lbs even with all that went on :)

So now I am down a total of a little over 11lbs in 2 weeks, and I am thrilled with that. I have been 100% on plan for 2 weeks, and feeling great, and successful and in control. I am learning how to make good choices on the go, to bring my vitamix and hot plate and food is just fuel-even if I REALLY want so badly to eat things when I travel that I've never had, it's not worth it, Not right not. When I am done with weight loss, I will have a few more wiggle calories to indulge carefully in treats when traveling, but not in weight loss, I have to remain really strict for my sanity esp in the beginning of resuming my weight loss habits. I have maintenance down, I have been maintaining wonderfully the past few months, so I'm not worried about that phase, it's this stupid weight loss phase.

But at any rate, that is my success for this week! Wed is weigh in day, and I hope this week is as good to me as the past, I aim for 1% weight loss, so not a number per se as much as a percent. I have been enjoying getting creative with my limited calorie amount again, to make things as tasty as possible and as volumized. And I still have Starbucks every day, because that's my treat that makes me be able to stay on plan all day long :)

Here is to another week, again. Because managing this condition is something that I have to continually learn and process in all seasons of my life. And I think I finally am managing it successfully in this crazy phase of life. That feels better than any number on the scale!

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