Friday, February 22, 2013

Keep going...

Just stopping by to give a quick update. Things are going well. Into almost week 4, and I am happy with what's been going on-SO HAPPY! I have lost 13lbs in 3 weeks so far, and I expect another pound or so this week too, although I won't be weighing for almost 2 weeks, until we get home from traveling. Which, quite honestly, is sort of freaking me out, HAHA but I look forward to it.

I have been amazingly on plan, I am loving what I am doing right now, it fits so perfectly with my lifestyle and makes my eating plan so not stressful or take more time out of my day, it's delicious and low-maintenance.

We were in Philly this past weekend, in Florida now, and then going back to Philly, then going home (we left our van in Philly and flew to FL). However K is flying to Nashville on Friday for a training and I am flying back to Philly with all 3 kids alone. Good times.

I had one little bit of off plan this past weekend, but it was controlled and I didn't give in to impulse or binge or anything-there is this AMAZING old-fashioned ice cream soda fountain place in Philly that has the most delicious ice cream and ambiance I have ever experienced. And Keith and my gram got sundaes, so I had some bites of their sundaes. I didn't get my own, I didn't overeat, I made the choice to enjoy a few bites of the most amazing ice cream everrrrr. It was worth the splurge. So I feel good about it, and no guilt, or and it didn't knock me off my game.

It is really hard to travel and manage my obesity. I love to eat. Traveling with 3 little kids is hard. It makes me want to take the easy way out, and not eat consistently and/or binge and eat easy, cheap, fast crap. But making the extra effort the past month has been amazing and had great results. I know 13lbs isn't a lot, and you probably can't even tell yet, but the great news is that I am really committed and back on my "A" game this time, and I am so glad.

Slacking a bit on my updates, but we have been traveling so much it's just been unreal. I feel so blessed that this is our life, we love it and are so fortunate...and yet it's absolutely a NIGHTMARE and so freaking hard for me to eat on plan when traveling.

Luckily my new meal plan makes it soooo much more manageable, and enjoyable really-not a lot of thought involved-but it's still such a temptation. I am a foodie. I love food. I love to try new foods and regional places. This is in no way conducive to losing weight for me, LOL. So I abstain from the food, and I'm a little sad, but I know it's for the greater good. When I am at my goal weight, and have more calories and a bit more leniency with my plan (this does NOT mean I eat whatever I want and go back to old habits-it just means I'll get around 500 more calories a day to indulge in for special occasions), then I will enjoy traveling even more.

So we've been on the road for a week now-first Philly, then we flew to Florida, spent most of the week in Orlando, and then came to Fort Lauderdale today for the weekend, then we fly back to Philly. *whew*

Overall I have stayed nearly 100% on my meal plan. And it's not about perfection, it's about progress, but it's been so incredibly progressive to me to be able to travel and not just be adrift. I love my vitamix, and I totally bring it everywhere we go.

I have had a couple off plan moments-but controlled-the entire fam got sick the other day, no idea if it was food poisoning or if we got a virus, but it knocked us all down for the count. nasty. so i didn't really eat anything, except saltines and some frozen yogurt. I wasn't really happy that I had to go off plan, but the thought of eating anything but those two things made me even sicker, so I listened to my body and ate what I felt it needed.

I like the little picture that I put above, because it's true. I am not on some diet, just for the short term, and my eating reflects this. Right now I am in the weight loss phase of things, and that means I need to eat according to those goals. I feel often unsupported by anyone other than Keith, in the sense of the whole "oh, one time won't matter". I feel that generally, people don't really understand or validate food addictions, because no one in the world would tell a recovering drug or alcohol addict "oh just one drink or hit won't  hurt!". Obviously addictions are a slippery slope, and mine must be managed with a firm, controlled hand, I do not currently in this phase of my recovery, if you will, have the ability to regulate the "just one" mentality. It's all or nothing, go big or go home, etc et al. So until I can continue to change my mental approach to food, my physical approach and the actual act of eating has to reflect my goals, and my firm management of my obesity condition. As annoying as it is :/

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Focus



I have been feeling so reticent about talking about, or even honestly THINKING about this new season of weight loss. I have so many thoughts, and regardless of who reads this, I want to maintain the rawness, and the reality of what this journey is about. It isn't pretty, it most CERTAINLY isn't perfect, but it's mine, and a huge part of accepting this condition of obesity is acknowledging and owning that it isn't linear, it isn't a destination or certain number on the scale, but the journey to health and wellness that is completely multi-faceted.

So here it is, continuing on, through my shame of not being able to have gained 10lbs during pregnancy and be back to my prepregnancy weight a month after birth. You laugh, but I had this locked down. I knew what I was doing, and I just thought that would be the way it was. I was ridiculously deceived :)

Enough about what wasn't, here is me, embracing what is, and doing what I need to do to be where I want to go.

This past week was so huge for me. I can't say enough how HARD it has been for me to make good choices and maintain a constant meal plan when traveling. I just have not been able to do it the past 9 months, it's been completely overwhelming-traveling with kids, a new baby, and then focusing on ME. I lost MY FOCUS ON ME, and that is what I needed, and what I've found. So 5 days in Florida, and I did not go off plan. Missing a flight, having our flight rescheduled, and then delayed-and I still stayed on plan. I ate at the airport (Burger King, of all disgusting places) but I did it in such a way that I stayed 100% on plan, even if the quality of the food wasn't my ideal. I used to, the past few months, say screw it all and make excuses and honestly feel helpless-I knew how to manage my lifestyle at HOME, when I was a SAHM and I didn't travel around the world and work and have jobs and all that. And now I am learning, and I did so well that I lost 2.2lbs even with all that went on :)

So now I am down a total of a little over 11lbs in 2 weeks, and I am thrilled with that. I have been 100% on plan for 2 weeks, and feeling great, and successful and in control. I am learning how to make good choices on the go, to bring my vitamix and hot plate and food is just fuel-even if I REALLY want so badly to eat things when I travel that I've never had, it's not worth it, Not right not. When I am done with weight loss, I will have a few more wiggle calories to indulge carefully in treats when traveling, but not in weight loss, I have to remain really strict for my sanity esp in the beginning of resuming my weight loss habits. I have maintenance down, I have been maintaining wonderfully the past few months, so I'm not worried about that phase, it's this stupid weight loss phase.

But at any rate, that is my success for this week! Wed is weigh in day, and I hope this week is as good to me as the past, I aim for 1% weight loss, so not a number per se as much as a percent. I have been enjoying getting creative with my limited calorie amount again, to make things as tasty as possible and as volumized. And I still have Starbucks every day, because that's my treat that makes me be able to stay on plan all day long :)

Here is to another week, again. Because managing this condition is something that I have to continually learn and process in all seasons of my life. And I think I finally am managing it successfully in this crazy phase of life. That feels better than any number on the scale!